What’s new in School

I like big cups and I can not lie

Will Lyman, Staff Writer

As fall sets upon Blake, the opening of the school year drives forward an enthusiasm to discover new experiences and relationships. Among the excitement of the first week, came many shocks to the student body.

Big Cups

A dramatic increase in the size of the lunchroom cups sent many students into a spiral of fascination at the beautiful cylindrical vessels of hydration and amusement. Pictures of the new cups flooded social media and briefly shut off the Blake wifi network.

Declaring a state of emergency upon the Blake Upper School, the faculty began to work out solutions to the cup craze, which officially broke the Blake school. Among these solutions were the installment of an upper school EHARRT program, which would educate students on how to avoid snapchatting and instagramming pictures of cups.

While the Middle School library staff was ecstatic about the opportunity to discuss real online issues instead of repeating instructions on how to “45˚” your computers to the 7th graders, Taher stepped in.

The kitchen staff sought to divert the attention placed upon the new cups to an array of oddly-matched fruit waters, such as melon, strawberry, and grape, yet the craze surrounding the cups continued, threatening a plague of over hydration amongst the entire Blake school community.

Fire Drill Protocol

Among other developing stories is the introduction of a FIRE sign by Safari Steve, which would stand as a representation of the actual fire during drills. While some are comparing this move to that of a game maker from the Hunger Games franchise, the faculty have enjoyed many laughs as they imagine students, who would most likely be caught in the flames in the event of a real fire, scramble away from Safari Steve’s dreaded sign.

Bear Hug

“BEARSTATUS is SHOOK” wrote one a across the whiteboard of Mr. Prouty’s room as the new scheduling and communications app, Bear Hug, was released at the top of the week. The app, who is the next in a series of glo-ups along the Beartime continuum, had every student calling up their “why haven’t we hung out this summer?” friend to get the link to the new advancement in student technology.