Student body holds peanut revolution

Experts suspect that forbidding nuts made them more common

Tripp Markusen ‘19, C.U.N. leader, sports protest shirt at school.

Zachary Marmet

Tripp Markusen ‘19, C.U.N. leader, sports protest shirt at school.

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Following the announcement that Blake would go nut free this year, some students have started an illegal nut smuggling organization to fulfill their nutty needs and get the sustenance they desire.

Many students sneak peanut butter bars in their backpacks or hide trail mix in their pockets for a snack later on. On top of the smugglers that have been discovered, many dealers also roam the halls, selling peanuts to anyone who will buy. 

Safari Steve is not one to sit by and watch nuts enter the school, as nuts have the potential to be dangerous to some students. Steve has taken it upon himself to make sure no students will be able to continue their illegal practice.   Tearing apart advisory food drawers and searching the backpacks of innocent freshmen, Steve is relentless in his efforts to free the school of nuts. So far all he has found is a few almonds and half a PB&J, but Safari Steve is only getting started.

Immediately following Steve’s raids, students became enraged, as those who were found with nuts were forced to serve 4+ hours of detention. Campaigns sparked all around the school to “legalize it” as students spread their outrage.

Student leaders of the C.U.N. (Campaign to Uphold Nuts) have made it clear that they believe too many innocent students go to detention for nut possession charges and they are willing to fight for their right to recreational nut products.

Meanwhile, faculty members believe that smuggling and dealing peanuts are catalysts to other dangerous and illegal behavior, such as talking during assembly or leaving backpacks unattended. Stay tuned for updates as this heated argument continues.

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